Sneak Peek

So I have been working on expanding the description of my alternate world and thought I would share a brief snippet.

Feedback is welcomed. ^.^

As the black spots dancing across her vision began to fade, a breathtaking view came into focus. Everywhere she looked canals of water crisscrossed the landscape. Large rivers that carried all manner of boats, from cargo barges to sleek leisure crafts, and off each of these large waterways branched a myriad of smaller channels. Waterfalls created streams that flowed down the sides of the buildings. Lush green plants had sprung up alongside, clawing into any crevice or crack in the pure white stone. The whole place looked like some elaborate water feature.

The buildings rose in tall spires of white stone that stabbed at the deep blue sky creating a contrast that was almost painful to look at and reached so high that she felt dwarf in their presence.

writer-drawbacks

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2 thoughts on “Sneak Peek

  1. OK, not knowing the preceding set-up to this scene, I’ll just go with what’s here. I would pick your warterway. Are they canals or rivers? Second, don’t over complicate your sentences. “Large rivers that carried all manner of boats, from cargo barges to sleek leisure crafts, and off each of these large waterways branched a myriad of smaller channels.” can be, and maybe should be, broken into 2 sentences. Third, Tell me about the buildings first, or at least with, the canals. Your sentences about the waterfalls and green plants are very confusing without the reference point of the buildings. Just some thoughts. It does sound like an intriguing place!

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